Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
