He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
