You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize