i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
