he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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