i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
