she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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