i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
