My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize