pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
