his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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