i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
