The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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