we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize