Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
