At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
