Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
