He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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