I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
