oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize