I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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