my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
