I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
