you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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