my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
