did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
BRING THE BAGELS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize