She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
