I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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