i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
