Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
