I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
