how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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