Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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