drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
