i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
