I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I faked an abortion last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
