my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
