I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
