i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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