It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We had to coat check the pizza.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize