Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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