Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
