ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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