i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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