Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
