If i come over, it means nothing
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
