Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
