my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you never un-have a 4some
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
