So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
