I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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