I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So apparently I’m into choking now
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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