what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Farmville is her only friend.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
