He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
