that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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