last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
