xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
