none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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