i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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