based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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