I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
