Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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