the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
