i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
