If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
