It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
