After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
