What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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