Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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