you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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