My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
