Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
