"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
