found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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