You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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