they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
