yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
