i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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