actually, I'm a sock model
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
