no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
