Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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