Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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