Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
