he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
