How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize