im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
