Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
