hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
