After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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