the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
