Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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