i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize