This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
