Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
