u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
