Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
