New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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