I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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