Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
