I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
