take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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