Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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