I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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