I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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