my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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