it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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