he puts the penis in happiness.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
