i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
